Nothing is easy

Whale, whale, whale, it been a while since I here...

There was a reason why the gap of the current post and the last post was far apart, not because there were no miracle or God have not done anything great in my life which in fact He did...

But my altitude got from good/bad(depending on your perspective) to worse

From "I will never ever lose my fire for God" to "I avoiding all this cause of my family" to "what the point...", and I was close to ending it.

One of the reason was cause I got too comfortable with my surrounding... I basically got everything under my parent care, but yet, I took thing for granted......

My laziness got into me, my habit which I thought i got rid of it.. came back.., I was being bad to my parent again... and I wanted to avoid all my church activities....

My pride, my jealousy, and my lack of patience really got into me, badly.... I starting to hate my friend in relationship, was always thinking to myself why my friend got such a nice relationship, even my brother got a relationship adi...

 I started to ignore most of my friend help..... Never really responded well to my family member.... And this question will always be there... "What is the reason I here for if I not really helping my friend nor my family, might as well just leave Earth (not in a suicidal way though, more like hoping an accident would just occur nearby and take me along...)."

My life was about to crumble and I started to hate everything...

Till, I saw my friend during lunch time while I was eating with my other friend, he came and sat and somehow  the topic change to thing about Christian (not talking about a religious thing), although i din want to talk about it so i juz sat there and listen and till the moment he told his story and testimony which surprises me a lot seeing where he is now. He used to a play-boy and drug taker, but now, being a changed person, he is completely different from then.

Yes, I do hear this story a lot in church but for some reason, that moment was different...

After that, then came Sunday service, when the message was about looking into your heart and check it. It may look good in the outside, but the inside may not be what you think.

"Charisma may be your first impression, but Character is what you take to the grave" Pr Kenneth

It was then I do so and ask for the help from God, Jesus and Holy Spirit and yeah, it was as horrible as that certain time... I wanted to just disappear from the world when I realized all that mistake...


But thanks God for my home leader and my "home leader" leader which I thought they don't really care. Even though it was not obvious, but it somehow confirm that there someone that care for me and I wasn't alone all this while.

Now that I see some, not all (I still a homo sapience) my dirty altitude, all I can do now is pray that Lord will help me in the future but for now I will do anything to get rid of all this. It won't be easy but I will do what a I can do and leave the rest into God's hand. It won't be an overnight stuff but something that will take time...

I will write here again when I manage to settle everything here...

To whoever may be reading this or to who may concern,
I am sorry if I ever offended you and thank you for the help you have actually provided which I have neglected...
To my primary school friend, high school friend, college friend, uni friend, friend in Christ and my family member...

The similar miracle (K.K.)

Mount Kinabalu, maybe the tallest mountain in South East Asia but certainly not a tough mountain :)

The trip to the top was during August with my family (my mum din follow us to the top though), of course was happy get to go up there. The adventure awaits (so was some not-so-bad-but-still-bad thing)

The trip started early in the morning, after registering and all, it started to rain, lightly, but of course, it did not stop us since it was small. So the climb begin. Through almost of halfway to the mountain  it started...

My father cramp his leg, and we didn't have a portal service, so me and my bro help carry my dad bag up and the whole trip turn from around 2 hours to a 4 hours trip, during this part, I don't expect my father to reach main checkpoint. Then I remember....

(Back when I was coming home from Aussie on plane, there was a guy (SOME) which tell me lots of stuff, and one of them were his Mt. K.K. trip. He told his story as they were climbing, it was raining, then his friend leg cramped halfway through the mountain. Though all of them reach the main checkpoint but the it didn't stop there.

They were told that the previous group didn't make it to the top as the rain make the climb impossible, moreover, usually in those weather, it always misty, making the view very misty, adding up to that, their friend injury it not getting any better even after all those heat rub. He prayed hardly through the night, for his friend and the weather, then head to bed.

The next day, the rain stopped, and the best part, his friend got better and they were able to make it to the top, not only that, at the top, the view of mount K.K. during his trip was also a miracle as the weather became so clear even the guide was in disbelief! It really was a miracle, he said)

Back to the present, all I can do was pray and help my father out and we did make it to the main checkpoint but so it was, I wasn't actually going by my strength but Jesus was helping me all along, as we reaches the place, right at the moment, I "died", I could hardly walk and my leg was painful, not only that, my younger brother was about to get altitude sickness and thing were just going from bad to worse, fear of the worst that we might have to cancel the trip.

Even so, there I was, might be the same place with SOME, thanking God for able to make it at the place and  it also stopped raining that night, but was also praying for my family and so of the weather also, then I went to bed (10pm).

2am, my leg weren't feeling at it best, my brother was getting better. Though, my father decided not to go further up. So left the 3 of us, climbing... It was fun but we stopped a lot cause my leg can feel the "crampness". I thought I might not make it at all, but praying does help, and we manage to reach.... Then there it was, at the top, the view may not be the clearest as it was cloudy on one side, but it was as clear as the eye can see on the other side, it was a very similar miracle to SOME!!

It was the best trip, not only my father make this trip possible for us, God was with us at that time too. Thank you, Jesus, Thank you too, Dad!

Forgiving

(This post is not for offending people and if what I about to say offended you, sorry if it do so...)

Everyone, once in a while will get offended, it maybe small thing and it maybe a huge thing and many people see it differently. Some can be forgiven very easily, but some are not.

I was (in my own opinion) being offended by someone (a friend of mine) quite deeply, and as all of us know, thing get better when you can let bygone be bygone... But the thing is, this was something I find it ultimately hard to forgive. Everytime I see him in person, I hated him (yes, even though his my friend) so much that I din even want to talk to him.

After a few months, I was desperate for change as I was getting very moody all the time and I just didn't like what I living with. I wanted to let go of this old problem, not matter how much time I try forgiving him, it really feel like the devil winning this one, a really close victory for him though. I asked for help for a friend in a land down under (Aussie), and thank God for him, really thank God. It was this sentence that somehow the answer to all this:

"pray and walk on the Holy Spirit to guide you and to give you the ability to forgive the person."

One reading that, I realized that I was trying to forgive that person by my own strength. Giving up to God, I pray for it. Waiting for answer, it was still difficult forgiving him. Until I read a message (I forgot where it came from though.....), at time of life, we have to release something we feel very important to us to God.

I know this is not relating to one another to many of you all, but as I was trying to chase a girl (but obviously failed horribly, LOL), it actually fuel that hatred (one reason of it is cause there was a rumor that he was also chasing her...). But as much I like her, God wanted it to be off (for a moment(He knew it was these thing that making forgiving people impossible)). (Of couse with some confirmation along the way, I give that up just like that. But what was very very surprising to me was.... I have easily forgave the person, seriously easy!!! (Even now, I don't mind hanging out with him the whole day!!)

Forgiving people cant be very very tough at time (even if he/she didn't ask for forgiveness, just forgive, it can really change your life just like that), but all I wanna say is (just like what my friend told me) : "pray and walk on the Holy Spirit to guide you and to give you the ability to forgive the person."

And more importantly, listen to what God need you to do if you really need to forgive that certain person. My maybe releasing something very important is the answer to my problem, but it could be different for other case, just listen to God!! God bless you!!

RE:UNION

RE:UNION has pass and it was one of the best event. There was so many great thing happening together with so many great message from so many speaker.

In the midst of all these great thing happening, my relationship with my parent, especially with my father wasn't great, though, ever since the "Aussie event", I wanted to fix this relationship, but failed.... I always envy other who have such good relationship with their parent.

During the 3rd morning day of RE:UNION, there was an empty feeling from nowhere, I dun noe why and I was hopping for an answer for the last day of the conference. As always, the conference was awesome, enjoying myself (haven't found any answer yet though...), then it happen... at the ending part of the conference, during the last worshiping section, it came...

Though it was not a voice, it came as a word popping out, 1 by 1, and it form these: "If you want a good relationship with ur family, tonight, it time for you to ask for forgiveness and say thank to your family." (Yes, I remember I did this before, but it was through a phone and doing thing through a phone is always very easy... Doing it literally is a complete different story...) Of course, I though it was just my imagination, but it kept on appearing.

After a few time trying to ignore, I gave in and told God this: If I going to do this, I need very inch of your strength..., God also did say that both your parent will come to fetch you instead of one of them. As I was asking for the strength, another sentence pop up and it wasn't the thing I wanted to hear... :Tonight, before you say anything to your parent, your father is going to offense you one time... sien liao, lol, but anyhow I still ask for the strength to do so even if it really does happen.

After that, as the conference ended and the bus was heading back to Summit, I called my parent to fetch me from Summit and guess what... the both of them were inside the car... but this was just the start, half way through the journey, my father really did offend me for something not very major and it nearly make me dun feel like saying it anymore, but then again, 5 seconds later, somehow this became a proof that those moment in RE:UNION where those sentences "mysteriously" pop-up were very real..... Of course, after we reach home and my father put into park gear, I just let it out without bothering how awkward it may sound.... yes, it sounded very awkward even when I was saying out to them, but thank God for that enough strength for that moment even after that offenses...... Nowaday, slowly, but surely, my relationship with my parent is getting better, thank God for everything!

Fasting and Prayer 4

And this is the end of the U-Turn program, but it doesn't mean life will go back to how it is. How God has bleesed me with these 3 weeks have been very amazing and there were many thing I learned and one of them is don't stop hopping even though everything is going against you! Thank God!!

I still remember when the U-Turn program 1st started, I thought I would have to skip all the crazy activity like rock climbing, jogging or futsal (cuz of the half-day fast). But God did remind me, don't worry about all those, just continue your lifestyle as usual. Initially, it was tough, I feel like compromising the program but God help me such that I keep to what I will do. Then slowly, God strengthen this body that I was able to rock climb 4 times, jog and futsal in a week during the time of fasting.

That other great thing was relating to university work. God was good, during the 3 weeks fasting and praying, somehow, all 4 subject just don't feel like giving out assignment (which actually there quite a lot), even if the assignment was out, but the due date was a very long one, and one subject even postpone an exam next 3 weeks after the U-Turn program. Yes, one can say, it as if God wanted me to focus on Him as much as possible during the program. Though this may sound very bad, but during the last week of the program, all the assignment came out, literally everything. But the truth is, the assignment could have come out way earlier and I would lost my sense during the U-Turn program, thank God!!

Oh yeah, there was an assignment that was not easy at all, there was seriously nothing I can think off even though spending so much time in this (this happened before the program), then this program start, and even though I spend less time on this assignment already, but God gave so many idea after idea, that I have to change my calculation so many times (it is heard that even with our old calculation, it would still be more or less correct). Calculation which I thought I couldn't do it at all, I have just finished them (and also thank to my team member who always been helping me)!! (Well, for now) Even the other assignment which I had no clue at all (literally none), now with God wisdom, all the assignment seem do-able adi!!

As the program come to the closed, I glad I was able to join the program, God really does work in mysterious ways!! All praise goes to Lord!!

Fasting and Prayer 3

Tomorrow will be the last day of the U-Turn program and it will be a Good Friday too. Although part of me cant wait to get back to eating lunch again, spamming on facebook wall, laughing on 9gag and defense the ancient with my friend, but these 3 weeks have been an awesome week, and no, even on the 3rd weeks, I almost wanted to give up the program...... There were many awesome thing happening and I get to know the "Trinity" better. (I always thought the Holy Spirit dun really help much, sorry......), the other thing I know is even if everyone say the same thing or do the same thing, it does not mean doing differently will not work. "Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Roman 12:2

The great new is my grandpa got released out of the hospital, thank God for that!!

Fasting and Prayer 2

Halfway across the U-Turn program with 1 and half more week to go, thing weren't easy as I thought. Of course, the first few days was simple and felt like this could go on forever..... how wrong I am. Till today, temptation is a hundred more times tempting than the 1st few days. Even today, walking past cafeteria is so tough.......

Even so, there were a lot of interesting happen which actually never happened before in my life. Most of them is just better to tell u personally..... But as I take this time to get closer with God, He show me some of my bad habit that I don't consider it bad actually, then He remind me this, as much as I like being myself plus ignoring what other think of me, but there are some thing just gotta go if you really want change in your life. Although it sounded easy but habit are habit, though they are some are tough like nobody business, but I know I will get through all this with the help of Him.

The following story won't be a good thing..... It was this afternoon, when I was somewhere in Monash, just being with God. A call came, and it wasn't a good one. My mum tone wasn't good too, there was a feeling of uneasy.... Ah gong(grandpa) was admitted to hospital..... That moment, my heart fell. It was that same time when I was reading a story book "Teen Miracles" where it reminded me sometime thing happen just to glorify God name even though you may not see it with our human eye.

Since it was rare for Ah gong to to hospital, the only time he goes was just regular checkup (if I remember correctly). Luckily I was alone that time, I cant help but pray and cry. Even though initially, I wasn't close with him but long story short. he was part of the reason of what happened to me during 3rd-4th September 2011 that changes so much in my life. I dun noe what will happen in the end, but I do noe there always a reason for everything to happen, it just some of them cant be seen with our naked eye.

As much as temptation is getting stronger each day with one of the worst news now. There is always hope, just gotta have faith.

Thank God!!